5 months since

It has been 5 months since I start my journey. Crazy! I started it on on November 4, 2019. That eating plan was vegan, no gluten/sugar/white starch/grains/nuts/condiments/weight scale/measurements. I did "cheat" with broth (turkey, chicken, beef) occasionally with soups and I was liberal with oils. Day 108 was on February 19. 2020. The biggest difference I've seen is going from a size 18-20 to a size 14-16, from a size XXL/XL to a size XL/L, my tummy flatten a bit more and my yoga practice improving. I have since incorporated nuts, a little sugar (ketchup, some sauces), a little dairy (in sauces), a little rice (in cauliflower pizza crust), fish, shrimp, a little white potato. In general, all of those do me fine except that I tend not to do well with tomato sauce, shrimp and decaf coffee. Too bad, because I LOVE the taste of decaf. Have already known that regular coffee is disastrous with me, but decaf too?!?

My biggest challenge is about consistency: meal planning, drinking enough water, sleep quality and times, exercise length and times.

Since I began my journey, the pandemic sprung. Luckily I was already done with my 108-day plan by the time quarantine was recommended. I do worry that the staying inside, having so much anxiety and worry will cause me to gain it all back. I just can't let it. My ego won't let it. I like being able to wear yoga clothing and feel more and more confident. I want to show up for class sometime with a sports bra and some loud, sexy tights and look great. I'll get there.

My ultimate goals is to get down to a size 4-6, but I'd feel much more confident if I can just get back to the 10-12 that I was in in my 20s. I think on doing a "Reboot" (as in "Reboot with Joe") or a version of it (Martha's Vineyard, etc). I don't think I could do a liquid diet for longer than a month this time. But that would be plenty to get me into that range that I'd feel a lot more confident.

Sometimes I feel impatient with myself, but, actually, my progress has been pretty speedy. I go from feeling awful, sluggish and so so so so stiff, to having my yoga practice again - with much better alignment than in my past - I worked through my knee injuries and issues - and, dang, my tummy is definitely flatter and stronger. Core alignment is a big focus in my yoga classes and it is paying off. So, okay, gotta be proud of that.

But a major motivator (being seen) is out, in that the world is closed. No space to be discovered in. No space to discover and explore. No place to meet with others. Not in person. So, I miss that. I miss walking into a room and being noticed. I can work up to that. And then...I just miss things...

I miss having a reason to wear a dress.

I miss amusement park rides.

I miss auditions.

I miss callbacks.

I miss rehearsals.

I miss yoga retreat centers.

I miss hot springs, hot tubs and saunas.

I miss kayaking.

I miss my mom.

I miss holding hands, hugs and little pecks with a love.

I miss standing close to someone who I like and who likes me back.

Wow, I miss open mics.

I miss classes and seminars and workshops.

I miss arts and crafts rooms.

I miss meeting friends for tea and working at a cafe.

I miss the beach.

But, month 5 doing alright. Still on the journey. Still shedding. Still getting lighter and stronger and healthier. Still learning to love myself. Still learning how to place what I love most and what matters to me most in the center of my life.

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